


Choo! Choo!! Next Stop, Idiot Town.

by HisaHiru



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Humor, M/M, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-02-07 08:14:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21454861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HisaHiru/pseuds/HisaHiru
Summary: It was a surprise when Bucky’s laughter turned into nothing but a shy smile. Sam’s jaw almost dropped and hit the floor. “Well… You know. It’s almost Valentine, like, tomorrow.”“Yeah, tomorrow’s Valentine-… Wait,” Sam’s eyes went wide. He knew where this was going, but he couldn’t decide whether he liked it or not.Sam, being a good bro he is, just wants his friends to be happy.Them being a total idiot doesn't give him much help.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	Choo! Choo!! Next Stop, Idiot Town.

**Author's Note:**

> An old fic I never posted for some reason... Why? I dunno... Its been years even since I last saw this one.  
Well. Better show it to you guys rather than letting it gather dust inside my computer. Enjoy..

Three months had passed since James Buchanan Barnes-… Bucky regained his sense and memories back to the point of being human again. Sam had seen how it had affected Steve, in a good way, much to his delight. He was not the old Bucky, that much Sam knew and understood. The shadow of Winter Soldier would remain until the very last moment of his day. And from what he saw, Bucky had accepted it as part of himself… Or at least forced himself to accept it.

Not like he got many choices there.

So did Steve.

Sam had seen him sighing when he was alone, rubbing the bridge of his nose in silence with a broken smile before nursing his face back to it’s natural state. But never once had Sam heard him complaining. Steve was always there for Bucky, standing by his side and holding his hand through the nightmare that haunted him over night.

He was the reason Bucky got better each passing day. He was doing well, able to show most of his feeling through expression and body language. From what everyone had seen, the old James Barnes was no longer a lingering whisper of the past; he was part of what made Bucky what he was now… Which was a good thing.

But also not.

Not good.

Especially when everyone remembered how much similarity between Clint and Bucky existed, especially in the field of pranks and nasty jokes. Like how he decided that it was a good day to sneak into Tony’s bedroom (JARVIS had been compromised much to Tony’s disbelieve), poured his shampoo down the toilet and refilled it with pink hair dye. Or the day when he got enough guts to steal Thor’s cape and painted a yellow Smiley face on it before hanging it on top of the Avengers Tower like a flag (Steve bowed and apologized to Thor and the God had no heart to stay mad for it). And especially the day when he gathered lots of dead flies and put it into the jar and wrote ‘RAISIN’ on it…

That was the last time Sam would ever consider to bake or eat Raisin Cookies for a long, long time… Yuck.

“Yo, Sam,” Sam’s ears perked up. He turned the tap off and turned around to face the embodiment of the guy he had been thinking about for the past 5 minutes. “How’s it going?”

“Good,” Sam replied, lifting the glass he was holding and gulping the content down the throat. “What is it?” he lifted an eyebrow.

“What’s what?” Bucky acted innocent but Sam wouldn’t fall for it.

“If you’re here to ask me to help you stealing another one of Tony’s underwear, I’m going to say no. Try Clint.”

Bucky snickered, clearly trying to hold his laughter from booming out of his closed mouth, as he waved his hand in front of his face. “Nah, I’m not here for that-… But that’s a good idea, I’ll go find Barton later.”

Sam sighed and put his glass down. There’s no help for this guy, really. Might as well enjoy the show when Bucky proceeded with his plan later on, he would get some popcorn and reserved the VIP seat when Tony socked him hard in Iron Man’s armor. “So, what’s up?”

It was a surprise when Bucky’s laughter turned into nothing but a shy smile. Sam’s jaw almost dropped and hit the floor. “Well… You know. It’s almost Valentine, like, tomorrow.”

“Yeah, tomorrow’s Valentine-… Wait,” Sam’s eyes went wide. He knew where this was going, but he couldn’t decide whether he liked it or not.

This kind of scenario had happened more times than he liked already, for God’s sake. Like, when that boy from the café he and Steve often visited suddenly came up to him asking if he could lend him a hand. Or when that guy from the flower shop suddenly asked him to give him some hints. Or when that man from the park all of a sudden joined their jogging routine for a month before he decided he was fighting for nothing (who could keep up with Captain America’s jogging routine, anyway? Sam himself was nearing his limit already).

And of course, all those times, when someone just gathered his (and sometimes her) courage to come up and talk to Sam… it was for a help to get into a certain blonde’s pants.

“I’m so not gonna ask for Stark’s help. Barton won’t ever live it down; Natasha will use it as blackmail material. Thor is-… no offense, but nope. You’re the only one I can count on, okay?”

“… A guy. Blond. Blue eyes. Charming smile. Tall. Muscular. Pale skin. A virgin,” Sam described, rushing every word without a break for breath. C’mon, not again.

Bucky blinked repeatedly, trying to catch up with what Sam just said. “Wha…? How did you-…? Wait, all this time and he’s still a virgin? Not that I don’t believe it but-… Really?” Sam furrowed his brow. Bucky should really tell him something he didn’t know; it was clear as day.

Okay, what should he do? Refusing would make him act like a bad guy here; holding a guy back from reaching out for his true love. C’mon, he was more of Mercutio than Tybalt, for God’s sake... He was talking about his instinct, not color-… God, lay back on the race joke a little, please. Then again refusing would make his life ten times easier, judging from personal experience in the past. He was supposed to learn his lesson…

But maybe, just maybe, Bucky was the one. Maybe he would change everything and gained more than what his ancestors (in this courting case) had achieved.

“Listen,” Sam grabbed Bucky by his shirt collar and dragged him to the corner, making sure no one was around. “I’ll help you, but really, don’t mess this up. Are we clear, Soldier?” Sam gritted his teeth.

All of those guys he had helped in the past ended up disappointing him. He had trusted them enough to court Steve but apparently, most of them just want to get a taste of what was hidden behind those clothes. Steve ended up ditching them mid-date, and Sam glad he did. And those who actually were serious? They somehow always manage to ridicule and embarrass themselves before giving anything to proof. Like that guy with a fedora who took Steve to a French restaurant and feed him snails-… Steve came back home with his face green.

It was thanks to the serum that Sam didn’t have to help Steve cleaning the pool of puke from the floor. To worsen things up, the guy just had to forget to bring his wallet and asked Steve to pay for him instead. What a date.

“Help me-…” Bucky squinted his eyes, trying to get an explanation about Sam’s statement.

“Get you into Steve’s pants,” Sam huffed.

“Oh…” Bucky’s mouth formed an ‘O’ before he whipped a small notebook out of his pocket. He was prepared, what would he do exactly if Sam refused? Damn… “So, what should I do?”

Sam raked his brain. This would be the very last time he did this, so this better work. “You’re in it for the sex or to stay?” he didn’t beat around the bush and shot straight to the point. Bucky frowned and lifted his pencil to make an objection but Sam cut him short. “Let me rephrase that. You want to woo him or not?”

Bucky tapped the eraser on the very end of his pencil on his paper. “The fuck, Wilson? Seriously?” Sam eyed him without blinking. It was kind of nerve wrecking. “C’mon… Or course I wanna woo him… I’m not a fuck-and-run kinda guy, man.”

Good answer. Now… Sam stopped to think for a while. “Why would you need my help anyway? You’re the one who knew him the best, Barnes,” nobody understood Steve more than Bucky, Sam had to hand him that. They had been friends for God-knew-how-long and reached the point of knowing each other’s underpants color without taking a peek.

Bucky pouted and nope, Sam didn’t feel like he just kicked a puppy for asking the obvious. “It’s because I knew him best that I need your help,” he combed his hair back with his flesh hand and cursed when the pencil got tangled between the strands. “Steve’s not an easy guy to court. I want to be the right partner he waited for, but showing him the sign won’t be easy. He was as blind as a bat sometimes, really.”

Somehow, Sam was not surprised.

“Okay…” Sam crossed his hand in front of his chest. This one would be last time he did this, so he better gave it his all to make it work. “Believe it or not, you’re not the first one who seek for my help for this kind of case but you’ll be the last. So you better be grateful.”

“Sure-… Wait, I’m not the first-…? The fuck?”

“Shussh!” Sam hushed him and Bucky immediately clamped his mouth shut and readied his pencil to work. “Steve’s a simple guy and you know that. Try to strike for something romantic yet noting extravagant.”

“Simple, nothing extravagant… Okay,” Bucky wrote every word Sam said down with so much focus one would think he was taking a goddamn test.

“Be straight,” Sam paused, that was the wrong word in more than one sense. “Fuck subtlety, you’ll waste your time. Chocolate and flowers for Valentine’s Day is a good idea; it’s cliché and mainstream but Steve’s a hopeless romantic. That will work. Just don’t tell him the price, that’ll kill the mood.”

“Got it.”

“Strike for something unique.”

“Unique, right.”

They debated about what the real meaning of unique was. Sam was kind of worried since Bucky did have a weird taste when it came to things like this. Like, his kind of unique was more like horrifying in Sam’s dictionary. A dead cockroach inside a block of ice was not, by any means, unique. It was disgusting, and Bucky saw it as a treasure to be preserved. They finished their arguments with Sam decided to replace the word _unique_ with _familiar_.

Yeah, familiar things often gave the best result.

“As familiar as it is, try to give him a surprise-… Nothing outrageous, mind you!” Sam scolded even before Bucky got a chance to say anything. This conversation took a lot of Sam. Just one wrong word and everything would turn into a total mess. He couldn’t do that to Steve, not again. This one had to be perfect. “A sweet surprise, you know?”

Bucky nodded, his hands danced above his notes paper. “Yep, got it,” he muttered, licking his dry lips every now and then.

Sam continued to list everything he knew in the matter of courting. He might have slipped some materials he got from chick flick movies but Bucky didn’t even spare a moment to gather blackmail material. So he was safe this time. Bucky noted everything carefully, filling the empty paper without leaving any space before moving on to the next one.

Movie was a yes. Dinner was a yes. Dancing was a yes. Clubbing was a no (Steve wasn’t designed to live on such place, Bucky got it). Holding hand was probably a yes. Proposing was a no-no (Too fast, Buck! Too fast!!). Sex was optional; judging by how well the so-called Valentine date might end. But then again… everything that had been listed as a yes above might turn into a no if Steve refused.

Think positive, though.

“Steve couldn’t dance… Well, he could; barely,” Sam tapped his chin thoughtfully. He just thought that Bucky might want to know about it if he by any chance planned to bring Steve to a ball or something. Who knew? He would end up ruining the whole date by letting Steve embarrassing himself in public.

Bucky grinned from ear to ear. “I know, man. C’mon, who do you think I am?” Bucky flipped his notebook close and gave Sam’s shoulder a firm yet friendly grip. “Thanks, Sam. I owe you one,” He was radiating a joyful aura; Sam almost turned blind by how bright he shone.

“Yeah, yeah… Wish you luck, old man,” Sam grinned and waved Bucky goodbye as the man walked out to carry out his plan; hopefully the one about Steve and not the other one about Tony.

Turned out, Bucky was a huge idiot and Sam was a retard for even putting so much hope on him.

The very next day, Bucky appeared on the communal area clad on a black fitted suit, carrying a bouquet of roses (not as big as the one the guy from the bank had bought for Steve) and a box of chocolate. He smirked and brimmed with optimism as he approached Steve, kneeling in front of him like a goddamn prince in black, and handed him the flowers.

With a card.

A fucking train-shaped (that was his idea of _familiar_? Really??) card with supposed-to-be romantic words written inside.

_You hear that?_

_…_

_That’s the sound when I fell so hard for you.  
(Hurt, but worth it)_

He didn’t even got a chance to feed Steve the chocolate as the said man left his seat and ran into the elevator, going straight to his floor without taking the roses Bucky bought for him.

It was that moment that Sam chose to ignore the snort and laughter the Avengers threw at James Buchanan Barnes and be the one to sock him with his elbow.


End file.
